


how do we fix this

by avocaries



Category: The Boys in the Band (2020), The Boys in the Band - Crowley (Broadway 2018)
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Writing Exercise, how do we fix this prompt, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27145444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avocaries/pseuds/avocaries
Summary: "I did love you and I think—I think I still do..."
Relationships: Hank/Larry (Boys in the Band)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	how do we fix this

**Author's Note:**

> hiya!
> 
> first, i'd like to apologize for the title. i still don't know how to do the titles. second, this is my first fic in the fandom and i kinda struggled a bit for various reasons (mainly cause i haven't written in months). sorry for any mistakes or if they're ooc (i think hank is kinda...ooc. sorry for that). and lastly, this is a writing exercise—as per the tags—that i did in order to get myself back to writing. here's to hoping that it works.
> 
> the prompt: "how do we fix this?" came from [this list on tumblr](https://prompt-dealer.tumblr.com/post/614052132384112640/50-angsty-questions-prompt-list)
> 
> any mistakes are mine! happy(?) reading!

“How do we fix this?”

The question cut through the heavy silence that enveloped their small apartment for a while now. It was simple and yet none of the two men in the room knew how and what to answer. It seemed too impossible to answer.

“There has to be a way—”

“We can’t.”

Hank lifted his head and glanced at his lover who was slumped on their couch, acting uninterested by the whole situation even when he could clearly see all the emotions swimming in the man’s eyes. Seeing the evidence of unshed tears briefly gave Hank hope that they will fix this. They  _ have _ to fix this.

Larry shook his head, tearing his gaze away from the older man, “I did hope that one night would’ve fixed things but…” he shrugged, “Guess I’m wrong.”

Hank hoped too and for a while, everything was fine. They were fine and happy and peaceful. He tried to keep his promise, he did try. They came to a somewhat agreeable compromise but...where did it go wrong, really? Or were things wrong since the start and they were just fooling themselves?

Hank swallowed the lump on his throat, “We can try, Larry. I can’t...I can’t—”

_ I can’t lose you _ , he wanted to say,  _ I don’t know what I’ll do without you. I love you. _

“Can we try?”

Larry scoffed, “We already did, didn’t we? And it’s not working, Hank,” the man stated, the subtle quiver of his voice betraying the insensitive facade he’s desperately trying to put on.

The older man nodded, defeat slowly settling in him. It was a hard pill to swallow, to know and realize that Larry is right. They both tried. God knows how much they both tried but maybe it’s just better if they break it off. After all, they’ve both hurt each other far too much and staying would just make their lives even more miserable.

Hank loves Larry so much it hurts. He gave everything up for him and it might be cruel or selfish but he doesn’t regret one bit. He’ll leave his wife and kids again if it meant being with Larry. But if this is what he has to do, if admitting defeat and letting go of the man he truly loved—still loves—is what will make Larry happy then he’ll do it.

No matter how much it kills him.

“This is it then?” Hank questioned, not really expecting an answer. He was hoping that Larry would just give up the i-don’t-give-a-shit act though.

Fuck, all he ever did was  _ hope _ .

Hope that one day he will be enough for Larry.

Hope that telling Larry that he loves him would show the man just how Hank truly cares.

Hope that the one night they spent making love after their confession would fix things.

Hank clenched his jaw, letting his eyes roam over his lover’s face, memorizing every single detail. This might just be the last time they ever see each other and it pains him that this moment would be the last memory he’ll have with Larry but it was worth it. It doesn’t matter if the crumbling stoic facade and glassy eyes of his lover will torture him until his dying breath.

If it’s Larry, it would  _ always _ be worth it.

He pushed himself off the wall he was leaning on and slowly walked towards the door of their apartment. Hank grabbed his coat and his wallet. His hand hovered over his keys, knowing that he should probably leave it. He shook his head and grabbed the offending piece of metal. 

Shoving all his things inside his pocket, he turned to face his still silent lover, “I’ll be back for my things as soon as I can,” he muttered, not sure if it was loud enough for Larry to hear.

The younger man didn’t budge and for a second, Hank felt like he could break down right then and there but he can’t. He shouldn’t. He wouldn’t do that to Larry. So, he turned around and opened the door but before he could step out, he heard his name called meekly.

Larry was standing, his hands clenched into fists on his side, “I did love you and I think—I think I still do. But…”

“But we’ll only hurt each other if this continues. I know, Larry,” Hank finished for him when it seemed like the man was already a word away from fainting, “I loved you too. I still do. And to be honest with you? I don’t know if I’ll ever stop but you’re right.”

_ Maybe if circumstances were different. Maybe in another lifetime. Maybe in a few years. Who knows, really? _

Hank smiled, hoping that it would at least reach his eyes. He looked away from his lover not trusting himself to not cry in front of the man. He took a deep breath and without looking back, he walked out the apartment and shut the door. Effectively ending and leaving his life with Larry behind.

**Author's Note:**

> come scream at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/avcrs__) ! kudos and comments are welcome~


End file.
